I promised myself I'd write another one of these when it started raining again. I can't deal with how hot its been. 70 degrees in october feels like apocalyptic pre-amble but I'm sure everyone just assumes it'll swing around next year. It'll be normal next year. The cold will catch up next year. I wonder if they'll still be saying that when all the green is gone and we're left with a barren wasteland. Whatever. It's raining now, and the smog is almost all gone. Fall is finally here and I'm.. happy? I've never felt like this before. Happy at the end of summer. Excited for the coming seasons. Speaking of, I'm going as Kim from Scott Pilgrim for halloween this year, very excited for that. Plus my hair is blue now, something I've been wanting for fuckin ever. Got my eyebrow slits back, I'm all swagged up for this sunday (another band gig).
Speaking of band gigs! I've had a few. I really like playing on stage, I love the community, the other bands, and I love my band mates! I'm very pleased. just the other day I played a show with Euphoria and their drummer beat the hell out of my snare head (we were backloading gear) so he gave me a replacement one. That was fuckin sick. Very appreciative. Work finally got on my ass about coming in late, which yeah happened a lot, but on the other hand the guy who spoke to me himself didn't even realize I was coming in late, which made me wonder why I was coming in so early to begin with. If nobody notices your absence, should your attendance be demanded? Meh that's probably just my issues with authority jumping out. I've been thinking a lot about who I am, what I represent, how I'm perceived (what else is new) but I'm struggling with something. I know I'm a good person and I am aware that I can only do my best everyday. Everyone's emotions get out of hand sometimes, it's how you deal with them in those moments that matters. I... don't like how I do that. Why must I have a tendency to kick things when I'm pissed off!!! It's only ever inanimate objects but still, what the hell!? I didn't ask for this mannerism. I don't want to be violent like that. I am a pacifist. Why can't I control my emotions more? I feel a little out of wack and suddenly I'm the most irritable person on Earth. I can't claim to be zen or whatever if I'm so potent, can I? Maybe I can. Everyone has those moments. It's what makes you human. Understanding that, learning to balance emotion/action, that's what makes you zen. Being able to feel those emotions without making those around you uncomfortable is a skill I've yet to master.
I got a new dab pen recently, and then immediately lost it in a corn maze. Initially I was kind of bummed out, but it's replaceable. Somebody in that corn maze had a really fuckin good day after that. I've been trying to view more things according to that way of thinking. Everything that happens to me, happens for a reason. My benefit, someone else's benefit, a lesson I need to learn, perhaps a lesson someone else needs to learn. I still have much to learn. I know virtually nothing, and that is all I know for sure. I need to remember to keep my mind open to new ideas. Be less negative when being presented with a different way of thinking, and most importantly
I need to relax.
The song of the week is Lava by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (new album dropped, expect more of these)
