I find myself having to wash days off of me lately.
Things are happening to me that make my skin crawl, feels like all the time now. I feel I'm covered in little bugs, and the warm water washes them off. It's one of the many ways I keep myself sane in the modern era. Things just look bleaker and bleaker, It's this horrific slow creeping process of me making decisions and watching in real time as they turn out to be the worst possible thing I could've done. It's almost Ironic how reliable the things I feel so strong about doing backfire and I watch it happen. Meanwhile the outside world is high-key collapsing outside me. The world is a genuine clusterfuck right now and so many people wanna pretend it's fine.
Let's try to talk about some good stuff, Choly is finally really picking back up, and I've started another lil project, waay outside my range I'm pretty sure, but it's a fun way to switch things up. I've got a boyfriend who I care very much about, I have a job, no matter how much they cut my hours, and I don't hate it yet! Times are tough, I don't need to say that, but I've been through worse stuff and I came out fine...ish. I know that I'm not the only one suffering right now, it sounds kind of busted but in a way that makes me feel just a little better, like I'm not alone in this, and while some of it yes is my own decisions, it's a generally pretty bad time to be anyone right now. I tend to approach life with this wild nihilistic idea that I can sort of through caution to the wind because something huge and unavoidable will get me before the consequences of my actions can strike me square in the face, it's a really stupid philosophy that is eventually going to be one of the consequences that does get me, but then I remember a lil something. Things can only get better or worse, I have to maximize the amount of chances I get because there's any chance that one of them can be my ladder out of this hole I've found myself in.
On that lovely note, I probably have to get a second job or find a new one. I just don't make enough money. Which fucking sucks I hate that I've found a place I don't hate yet but I might have to leave while it's still tolerable because the fuckers won't pay me enough. I'm gonna start searching soon, gotta update the ol' resume again. Fuck me. I know I won't have any trouble finding one, and it's not like I need to do it within the next two weeks or something, still the whole process sucks so much, and it feels so dehumanizing. I just gotta suck it up tho, and sell more of my old drum shit, I'm sure I can get a good amount of cash from some of my stuff, mainly the cymbals...things are soooooo great. It doesn't help that king shitbag just won the puppet strings to this idiot machine we call a country, No shock to me the democrats fumbled the bag when the line was on the ground at morals and Kamala grabbed a damn shovel and said "I can get under this!" It's incredible to me that people are so stupid but then I remember some of the things I've done and I get it. We're all pretty stupid, the smart people are all too busy doing shit for us so that things don't explode or we don't poison ourselves with lead or some shit again. 4 more years of this shit though, with the state of things now. This isn't going to stay the same for long, things can only get better or worse. Something is going to happen, the tension has been building for ages, feels like it's all coming to a head now, I hope this is the push we need and not the nail in the coffin but I know people, and people are stupid like me. I've essentially prepared myself for anything, I already witness atrocities on the daily, now they're just going to be happening here as well, things have already been fucked, they are just continuing to be fucked and now we're the ones getting fucked and honestly I think we deserve it at this point because the world has been fucked for so long and we've just been pretending it's fine. Maybe this is the wake up call we fucking need to get off our assess and do something about it, but I feel like everyone else is just like me, sitting around waiting for it to happen cause they don't have the Balls to do something themselves. Someone else will get it started, someone smarter and more organized. It's time to stop relying on others and grab the bull by the fucking horns. I don't know, maybe I'm just pissed off.
Fantastic man, just fuckin fantastic.
The song for this one is Away by Mexican Slum Rats
