New job!

     

    I had a pretty good week, I think.

    Yesterday I went out with my bestest friend for sandwiches, and then partied with my other bestest friends, I got a job at Jamba Juice, I start Saturday.  Nothing else very interesting happened. I do think I should evaluate my reaction to when people are upset with me, and maybe ask myself why I always freak out and start crying the minute they change tone. I probably should figure out why I do that, which means talking to a therapist, which means finding a new therapist. That's something that can wait just a little while longer so I can get some of my other shit together.

    I also wonder if I should start working on my shirts again, I have a lot of free time and basically 2 pending orders I could work on but... the pressure I feel to succeed and make good art is immense. I know that's not the point of it, and I have a few ideas of a new style I could use. Maybe one of my next paychecks could go to paint and some new brushes... still there's that pressure. Maybe the trick is to just get high and do it and not think about it. Once I start doing it again I'll remember how much fun it is and I'll probably get back into it, but for now I think this goal may be a month or 2 away, depending on what the pay from Jamba is like.

    I wanna see my band again and play with them, they're cool people and I think we sound good together. It sucks that they're so far away, but it's okay because now that I have a source of income I can simply pay for gas and stuff. It just sucks that I have to wait until I get paid. I hate money, I hate capitalism. I hate that I can't not spend money, I've already budget out like my next 2 paychecks and I don't even know how much they're gonna be! 

    In other news my mom is kind of bothering me by refusing to believe I might be a little autistic. As if my sister isn't confirmed autistic, as if I don't have a shit ton of the markers. I literally explained to her the other day that there were some days where my sense are simply too much and why I get so irritable when I'm experiencing a Bad Texture or something like that. It's okay, it's because she's also incredibly autistic and so she thinks the things we do are normal. She won't believe me when I tell her it's not, or maybe she doesn't want to, either way I want to try and get a diagnosis, whether she lets me or not.

    I've been thinking about relationships lately. Do I want one? Can I handle one? Am I ready? It''s been almost a year since I broke up with my ex. I feel like that's enough time. I did some critical thinking about my past relationship not too long ago, and I think I finally figured out what happened on my end. I think I might have been projecting a lot of my daddy issues onto her, and I don't think she deserved that. Of course, the reason I did this is because of how she treated me, which is why we broke up in the first place. Nevertheless, I have forgiven her for that, and the other things. I suppose I don't have to seek a relationship out to start one, I can let it come to me. This mentality has been coming up a lot recently, following the flow, letting things come my way, taking opportunities as I see them without worrying whether it will turn out well or not. I have been having a lot more of my weird deja vu daydream things recently... someone told me that means I'm on the right track. I suppose that's comforting, that whatever I'm doing right now, is working.

I want to dye my hair soon.

Valentines day is drawing uncomfortably near, however its followed up by my birthday, which I am excited for.

The song of the week is Margaritaville by Jimmy Buffet