The way i'm forced to live in this society is bullshit. I treat my body like a machine, everything I do is just to complete more tasks, maximize efficiency. Obviously thats not true, not entirely but I feel more like a machine nowadays than not. It's fucked up. I smoke a lotta pot, sure it rots my brain, but I've seen what happens to the people without the brain rot. They got ground down. Forced into submission by an unforgiving society. Complacent. Disconnected. I don't want that, so what if I lose a few brain cells, I'd rather be stupid and care about stuff than be smart and apathetic. The amount of garbage I see everyday, it's no longer just in the media. It's impossible to get away from. Literal garbage out in the streets, the bullshit forces of capitalism at work firsthand, corporate garbage, human garbage. The idea that some people will make such a fit over money of all things. Yea it's unfortunate that we need money to live but I never really got that. Its absolutely moronic the idea that you need to pay to live. I recently got this sticker from this band, Dead Sonics, they gave em out for free. It says Work Pay Die. I slapped it on my truck because it felt appropriate to see that In the parking lot at the mall. The disgusting pustule caused by the bacterium of capitalism. A gross collection of waste and consumerism. Constant overstimulation and advertising. Watching people turn to the rudest beasts over a $5 difference in price. It's asinine.
I don't have any damn freetime to do the things I like to do, the only time I drum anymore is at band practice it drives me insane. I never have time to set up the kit and play someone's always going to be bothered by it. I'm really fucking frustrated. Drumming helps me relieve stress. It's physically and mentally stimulating and I like it. I just wish I had more time to practice. I wanna go skating again. I want to learn how to longboard, I want to build an outdoor planter I want to do yardwork I want to run errands and yet I either dont have the energy or the time. Even writing these blog posts is becoming draining because I just do the same shit over and over again. I get some new experiences at shows I play but a lot of the rest of my time is spent at work. The one day a little while ago where I actually didn't have anything to do I did mushrooms. It was great! I wish I had days with no responsibilities more often, maybe I could finally get some more posters up or something, I don't know.
My boyfriend dumped me, I'm trying to be cool about it. I think I have been. I saw it coming really, I grieved quite a bit before it even happened to be honest. I mean it wasn't bad, but it was obvious he was gonna do it. I had driven all the way to his house and finally convinced myself ah, maybe he just wants to talk. I'm a fool. I'm not mad at him, in fact I think he probably did the right thing. I respect that. Often times doing the right thing is really hard, being kind often means putting yourself in an unfortunate and vulnerable situation. That's what makes it kind. The ability to say this act is worth what it will cost oneself in the short term, because in the long run this will be better for both themself and others, or perhaps maybe just others. I feel like I only get sad now when I think about it too long, he was very sweet. I hadn't ever felt as special as I did when I was with him. Regardless I should move on, to dwell on this will just cause me more harm.
Tying back to the drums, I took the new ones I bought to Kennelly keys for repairs and they finally fuckin called back. I had honestly forgotten, but they said that they found the part they needed so I think I should have that drum back within a week or so, and then I can send the other one in for repair and play with my all red drum set and nice toms. That way I can use the shitty kit at home. I'm thinkin I'll put a towel over the snare and tune the toms really loose so they aren't as noisy, plus I've got a huge blanket in the kick to muffle it. Hopefully I'll be able to get some more practice in that way, but the lads in the band were looking into renting a practice space that we could use more frequently. I like the idea, but can I afford it? I guess we'll find out. One of the places is only $600, it's small but so is the space we have now. 600 split even 2 ways isn't so bad. I'm already pay 300 a month to my mom for insurance on my truck, I think if I talked to her about it she would let me continue to pay that so I can contribute to renting the practice space. SPEAKING OF THE BAND after our tour a NEW MEMBER of Choly will be ordained. His name is Dale, I like him. He is very good at the guitar and he seems like a pretty chill guy, definitely fits in with us. We're hoping he'll help us sound fuller, and allow trevor to focus a little more on vocals. Plus he can sing backups for trevor too!
I have to update my resume, my real job isn't sustainable. I can feel it draining my soul.
We still have to make new merch for the tour
I have got to get a whiteboard.
The song of the week is Gold Chain Punk (whogonbeatmyass?) by Soul Glo
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