Title says it all. This post is late, because I am SO tired and I keep forgetting to write while I have the time. That being said, this post is still incredibly late and I apologize for that. I doubt anyone reading this even cares, I doubt anyone reads this sometimes. Thats not the point though. The point of these is that I need to put my thoughts somewhere, and I can't bare to write things by hand. It's sort of like a diary I suppose, a weird public diary. Whatever. Who cares.
The job at Jamba is fine. Its tiring to work there, and sometimes I feel really helpless when being trained because there's such a sharp learning curve and so much to know, but I'm picking up on things fast, today was only my third day after all. Jamba has a policy about docking your pay for one pay period, and I started the day after payday, so I technically wont get paid for another... two weeks? Whatever, it'll be a big one. My shift leads seem nice, and my manager is pretty chill. We are horrifically understaffed, we can barely scrape by through rushes, but it's fine, because new people from other districts shuffle in and out and I think the really nice shift lead I had the first time around is gonna be there this weekend, I work Saturday.
I daydream about the summer a lot. I can't wait for it to be warm again. I wanna tailgate and go camping and go on hikes and do all the fun summer stuff. I wanna hold garage concerts at my house and have my band play and do fun stuff like that. I hate cold weather, I don't mind the rain!!! It's just I hate not being able to be outside. I can't wait for summer. I'll have money then, I'll be 18 then, school wont be an issue ever again unless it's my choice. It's nice to affirm that my current problems are temporary, I think everyone should do that more often.
I miss being in a relationship a lot. I'm opening up to dating again. It's been almost a year. 19 days.... My issue is, I've told so many people in the past I wasn't ready. There wasn't anything wrong with those people, it was my issues that I had to work through before I could commit to something like that. I feel like I've worked a few of them out, and I'm ready to try again, but I'm worried about the message that might send to people I said no to, I don't want to hurt them like that, I just don't know what to do. I'm also struggling because I'm trying to only respond to people who make the first move, and only pursuing something if they make me feel wanted. A lot of the people that talk to me don't really do that. My friends are great at making me feel appreciated and cheering me up, and making me feel welcome and wanted in that sense, however romantically it feels like most people don't really want me, they want something from me, or maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'm not picking up on the signals or maybe I'm just stupid. Whatever, I have a theoretical date this Saturday I think. The whole thing seems to still be up in the air, and that's fine because I work anyways and I don't have any money so it works out fine if things change. I know you're thinking "well what happens if it does end up being saturday" well I have this cool secret hack that you can do at anytime, it's called asking your parents for money and checking your shame at the door. (it helps if you trimmed the spiky bush out front of your house) this has been life-hacks with Kev.
I turn 18 in 18 days. holy shit.
The song of the week is How Low Can A Punk Get by Bad Brains.
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