I'm 18

     It's weird. I'm 18 now. I had all this buildup. I thought it was gonna be this huge thing! And then it came, and it went. Nothing's changed really. My sister said it's gonna feel like that till I move out, which is why I need to move out sooner rather than later. I don't know how that's gonna work, I'll figure it out. I was thinkin about renting a house with some friends but I dunno about that yet. But still its weird to think about. I'm legally an adult now. I've been thinkin. Does the song teenage dirtbag still apply? I am still a teen technically, however I am also technically an adult. I'm partly a little worried. There's so much I still just don't understand and that's frightening, but I figure it's no different from last birthday, if not like 1 million times better because I didn't get dumped this year. It seems I've cleared the Winter Gauntlet safely! This is incredible as the last safe crossing of the winter gauntlet had to have been oh I don't know about 6 years ago. That's right folks I had a good time from Nov. 25th all the way to February 21st! I guess I'm calling it a bit early but I dunno, I'm confident I can make it out of February without some sort of disaster occurring or any of my friends dropping dead. here's to hoping!

    In other news, my band is supposed to finally meet up again soon! I'm not sure because I've been busy with birthday activities so I haven't been keeping in touch but I've heard some things. I need to practice my drums more. I fucked up my knee somehow today and that made drumming harder. I don't know how I did it, probably because I am stupid and likely because of stairs. I'm sure it'll pass. I can't play tomorrow because I have work, but I can probably do Wednesday.

    On my birthday I went to the car museum in Tacoma. It was pretty sick. It made me also realize how little I actually know about cars. I thought I knew... some things. It's clear now I don't know shit. But hey, I knew about the origins of nascar, thanks cold war obsession! It's cool tho because my sister's boyfriend knew a lot of interesting things about them so I wasn't completely lost and I still got to see cool cars and get sick posters so I had a great time. I had a seafood boil for dinner which kicked ass and I also got a cake that was very yummy. I got to hang out with my sister which is nice and it was a great excuse to not pickup extra shifts at the Woodinville jamba. A few of my friends said they'd buy me gifts, which I think is cool! I'm lowkey pumped to see what they got me but I'm trying to keep my expectations low so no matter what it is I'm pumped about it because I hate not having reactions to people's gifts.

    I'm planning on changing some things about myself now that I'm 18.  I need to take better care of myself. I'm gonna commit to exercising more, eating better, and doing more self care. I also need to treat those around me better. I feel as though sometimes I am acting fake towards people. This is not true. It's important to affirm that I act how I am, and to change who I am involves changing how I act. If I want to be the kindhearted and friendly person I consider myself, my actions need to reflect that. Sometimes I don't think they do even if everyone says I'm nice to them. I guess I tend to assume that I upset people a lot more often than I actually do. I also am quick to appoint blame to myself even if I'm the person being wronged. That needs to change. I have to be confident in standing up for myself. It's not really standing up if I doubt myself. I need to be more real. I need to act as weird as I want to. I am going to unashamedly be myself and hopefully the people that care about me will continue to do so. I think this blog will help me with that. Iunno how, but it feels like writing this down somewhere makes it more real.

Now that I'm 18 I need a new way to end these, I think I'll go with

See y'all next week!

The song of the week is Patiently 4 U by Ceramic Animal.