Job Hunting again.

     I formally put in a 1 week notice today. The day after my COVID leave is up is my last day tied to this stupid ass company. I'm back on indeed lookin for jobs. I was supposed to fill out an application today but I had a pretty eventful and draining morning so I took some time to sit in the sun and take care of my hair today. I also did some cleaning cuz my room was kinda trashed. Still sorta is but it looks better. I'm actually doing laundry right now. Quitting has been a real relief. I was tired of the crappy upper management, the late nights closing, the stress of being in charge sometimes??? I'm sort of a natural leader, but that's with people who I'm used to and comfortable with. Didn't get that much training just a whole load of new responsibilities I didn't wanna deal with. Not really worth the SINGLE DOLLAR RAISE. Anyways besides that this week wasn't Crazy eventful. I've been going outside more. Trying to get my dog used to car rides and maybe hopefully walks soon. I'm gonna look in to getting lawn furniture and outdoor accessories to make my outdoor space more enjoyable as well as getting yard maintenance stuff and maybe even building some flower beds and stuff like that. I'm just excited for the sun to be out. I'm so pleased to just sit out in the sun it makes me so happy. I haven't been able to drum recently and I've been real upset about it. I wanna drum so fucking bad. I'm so paranoid about falling behind or getting rusty. I'll try and play tomorrow for sure.

    I had the thought today when looking at the open blue sky. "Any day now." I wasn't really sure what it meant. With the state of things, something is bound to happen soon. That's as if stuff isn't happening already, like huge problems that affect the globe. It's just, something Big is coming any day now. Either on a personal level or just in the world. I dunno maybe that's just the prepper in me always worried about the end of the world. It's much more likely something personally devastating will happen, and yet I just cant picture what it could possibly be. Whatever I'm probably just  crazy.

My hair is purple again! I am really happy about that

another short one because this week hasn't been super crazy for me beyond that.

The song of the week is May the Odds Be in Your Favor by Meet Me @ the Altar

I'm quitting

     I don't like my stupid job. They don't pay me enough, they take advantage of me, and all the good people are leaving. I don't think I'll be going back, who knows. I'm not staying there any longer though. I gotta update my resume still but after I do that, I'm sure I wont have any trouble finding something new. Beyond that? I've been having a good week. I spent more time in the sun, I hung out with friends (new and old), I've been playing a bunch of minecraft, finding new tunes, overall just havin' a pretty good time. Today was a little scary, and Saturday kind of sucked, but I mean overall, I can't complain. 

    Okay so my managers at Jamba are quitting because an ex-shift lead has been causing them trouble. He put his two weeks in because he didn't like the job, but decided he wasn't going to work. I was told that he had to work if he was going to be there. I relayed the message, he got mad and started cussing me out and such blah blah blah. Well, that guy has been contacting LNI because he "hasn't been able to get his tips" (he hasn't come in since) and the milk was expired once and he knew it and didn't do anything. The problem is that my managers were carrying that Jamba juice, and now they're leaving, everyone else is following suit. So generally, people have stopped giving a fuck, there are pros and cons to this. Saturday was a con, the schedule was a mess, and everyone called out. Saturday is one of our busiest days, usually only the best teams work on weekends. For 6 hours (almost 7) I was stuck with whoever they could get their hands on. Which meant a shift lead who could barely make smoothies, someone who rarely worked, and a newbie to train. yay. To make matters worse, help wasn't coming. Nobody was gonna help close and I couldn't stay either, so the others closed without me. On one hand I feel bad for not  staying, but on the other it really isn't my fault that the schedule was trashed. I shouldn't have to put myself in exhausting situations for some corporation. That's why I'm quitting. Working there is exhausting. I hate closing. I hate that I always close. I hate how late it is after I close. I don't wanna close anything ever again. I'm finding a new damn job.

    I played the drums for the first time in a bit yesterday. I've been so busy and so low energy, I haven't been practicing as often. I forget how happy it makes me to play the drums. I like how happy I feel when I'm good at the drums. I like playing the drums. I'm tired. I love my friends so much. I love everyone who reads this blog too.

Not much else to report except for the kickass song that's the song of the week this week. You should listen to it after you read this

(You are supposed to listen to every song of the week after you read the blog post so you can fully understand the vibe of my week.)

anyways

The song of the week this week is Empty Apartment by TITLEHOLDER

Normalize taking money out of your savings account

     Normalize taking money out of your savings account. I'm serious. Things are hard, the state of the world is kind of shit. I'm probably gonna have to quit my job soon. My manager quit, so a lot of people will be leaving soon. I will stick it out as along as I can but if I don't like management I am fucking out of here. Our district manager is gone too, so I have no clue who's gonna be coming to take the reigns and hire a new manager. Whatever. I gotta update my resume soon. It's gonna suck but honestly I'm glad I've got an easy out. I do not want to work at a smoothie place during the summer months, thank you. For now tho, I'm gonna steal a lotta food from that place.

    I tried Acid a few days ago. It was... super weird. Nothing really happened though. In the moment I described it as "taking the long walk to nowhere." Conversations seemed so deep and layered but in reality we were talking about nothing. The person I was with ended up passing out near the end of my trip, so I got to experience it alone for a little while. That wasn't as fun, but I lived. I had fun I think; there were some scary parts, sure, but overall? Super fun. I loved the visuals and the giggly feeling. The way it brings you back to that primal curiosity of "what's this? why does it do that? what does it feel like?" you don't feel any sort of embarrassment or pressure or anything like that from the people with you. You have no shame, you feel no ego, it's what I imagine it was like to be a caveman. Anyways after the trip I felt like absolute garbage because of the sudden drop in serotonin (the stuff acid makes your brain overproduce.)  I'm fine now, but in the moment I compared how I felt to how it felt like in middle school. Saying that out loud really helps me remember how much better I am now than I was then. I'm real hard on myself to be a better person and improve myself, I have to remember that I've come pretty far. Sure it's not over but I've made so much progress, I should give myself more credit. I'm getting better, feeling better. I'm proud of myself.

    Ew okay enough sappy shit I'm real happy about the sun coming out. I think I'm gonna get a nice little retail job next. I got a ticket for running a red-light. Yes it's bullshit. Both me and my sister have been having nuke dreams. That's fun. My mom is gonna pay to fix my truck's alignment and perhaps even a shell for my truck. I want to go fishing... so bad. I want to go camping and be outdoors. I need to go camping. I need to go camping. I need to go camping. I WANT TO BE IN THE WOODS. 

I want to play minecraft now.

The song of the week is No More Roads by Oi Polloi

I'm running out of names for these already!

    Okay so I know what you're thinking. "why are you 2 days late after you said you were back" well the answer is fuck you I do what I want. JK I was planning on writing it during the day on Monday but I got called in to work so that went straight down the toilet and I was FAR too tired to write it afterwards. These take a lot of effort and energy believe it or not. I pour my heart, soul, and piss into these so you guys better read the fuck out of them. Also you're supposed to listen to the song of the week either during or afterwards so you understand the context and vibe of my week. If you aren't doing that you're like missing half the message! Anyways. This blog post is gonna get a little deeper than usual, it's gonna be a little sappy and stuff so if that's not what you're here for you can probably skip to the bottom paragraph where I run out of ideas and talk about my band or my job or something.

    Recently I sorta realized that I've been receiving signs from some sort of upper-level. I don't like subscribing to any sort of beliefs, but the Universe feels far too... corny? Overused? I dunno, it doesn't feel right to me. From this point on I will be referring to that all encompassing higher power thing as the Smart Woman Upstairs, I'm sure she appreciates a new title every once in a while right? Well anyways, the Smart Woman Upstairs has been sending me signs that I've been blatantly ignoring while pleading at the bottom of Her staircase asking for signs on what to do with my life! Meanwhile she's throwing rocks and pine cones at my face saying "Appreciate what you have!" and "There are so many people who love you!" among other messages. I have to stop ignoring her. She's right, I'm getting greedy. I forget that I have plenty and what I have is pretty cool. That damned corporate greed, the marketing instinct  of "buy more! now!" it's never enough. The more you spend the more hollow you feel, till you have to spend copious amounts of money on stuff. Stuff which, upon arrival, you will look at maybe once, and then toss into a pile of other objects that mean nothing to you. The fucking fire alarm just went off and interrupted my thought, now I have to pick up the tiny shattered pieces. The Smart Woman Upstairs wants what's best for me, I have to listen to her. I talk so much about going with the flow and yet I'm so resistant to the actual river I'm floating down. I need let myself drift instead of fighting the current. The other day I was thinking myself into an existential crisis and a thought popped into my head that stopped me in my tracks. "I'm wasting it! I'm missing the whole point. I'm so busy worrying about the end I can't enjoy the beginning or middle." That scared me quite a bit. I don't want to waste my life worrying about things that don't fucking matter. I'm done doing that. I don't give a fuck anymore.   The Smart Woman Upstairs humbled me this week. She let me know that if I don't get my shit together soon I may as well be fucked. I get it now, thank you Ma'am.

    I was thinking about looking for a new job today but, I honestly don't think I will. I need to remember that my job is actually pretty easy, and kinda fun if I work with the right people. My coworkers really like me and I like them too! It can be a little icky gross sometimes but I think as long as they train me soon I really could do a good job as a Shift lead. It's nice pay too, I actually get pretty big paychecks depending on my hours. I obviously wont stay there forever, there are so many more places I wanna work! Hopefully I can get my truck fixed and buy a shell for it soon! that'll be nice. I really want to go fishing and camping and shit. I can't wait for summer I'm gonna go on so many trips and shit bro I'm excited.

I'm maybe gonna try acid this friday? Who knows.

The song of the week is 5446 Thats My Number/ Ball And Chain by Sublime.