No I didn't forget, I was sick. I know you all missed me terribly, but I'm back. A lot happens in 2 weeks yknow. It's like a totally different month now (pride month). Theres a lot of stuff I'm not sure how I feel about. In some ways, I feel resolved and relieved, in others I am more anxious than ever. I'm working on being calmer as a person. Less angry I suppose, although when I'm perceived as angry I'm never actually angry, strangely people can't actually tell when I'm genuinely upset about something VS something being a minor ick or inconvenience. Its because I'm incredibly easily riled up. I will get loud over anything! For no reason. It's stupid. I hate it, and it feels like I have no control over it at all. It's hard though. I just can't keep track of my tone, and it's so difficult when I'm in a bad mood. I hate when my bad mood makes other people upset. I've been in such sour spirits lately and it's because I haven't been getting enough sleep. I hate being an insomniac. Just yesterday I had plans with some people that I feel like I botched because I was in a bad mood, I know it really didn't even affect things that much and we still had a great time, but I wish I wasn't feeling like crap the whole time. Whatever it's not a big deal. I have three interviews this week, that's exciting. Trying to get a job again has been such a pain in the ass but I have enjoyed being unemployed. Well.... sort of. I need to get back on schedule. Back into routine. Bed at midnight, wake at 8 AM. Tea and breakfast in the morning, lunch around noon, drums at 3, dinner at 6. Cut back on caffiene, eat healthier, try not to think about all my problems at once. Such is life right now. I'm still expecting something huge to happen soon, and big things are happening!!! I'll get to that later. I dunno, maybe the big things have come and gone and I just had too high expectations. I need to live in the moment. I need to realize things are happening as they're happening, snap out of whatever daze I spend 90% of my life in and enjoy myself for once. this goddamn keyboard is fucking falling apart as I type this, my O key keeps skipping. Fuck me. anyways, I have to save money to repair my truck, but saving money is so hard when you're unemployed. Lost my train of thought because I had to cough my ass off, goddamnit I really need to start planning these things out....
I had some sort of flu or infection (not COVID) like a week ago, and the cough won't fucking go away. It scared the crap out of me because I thought I had cancer (lymph nodes swelled in places I didn't know lymph nodes were). I'm still coughing though, and spitting up phlegm. All my other symptoms are gone, but not the cough, of course not. It'll go away soon, and I gotta schedule a doctor's appointment soon anyways. Onto some good news! I was asked to drum for someone's show!! I'm really excited and terribly nervous. It's okay because they like how I sound and together we sound great. I think after a few more practices we should be awesome on stage. I don't remember all the details now but they will definitely be all over my social media (and likely here) when I do have them. I went to a prom afterparty thing the other day and saw a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. It was nice, unexpected sure, but nice. I do like to catch up with old friends, ideally I'd spend all day drinking tea, smoking weed, and just chatting. Unfortunately capitalism says instead I have to wake up at 8 AM and look for jobs or whatever. I hate it here. I hope capitalism explodes. Oh also Brendan Urie dropped some new trash music, don't listen to it, I hope he explodes. I hope every landlord explodes too,
i dunno that'd probably kinda suck tho, like...
if they were big explosions? yikes that's a lotta damage.
oh no, what if theres like a landlord con... and like a whole bunch of em explode together
ok nvm about the landlords I just hope they kinda,,,, all disappear. non-violently.
The song of the week is Surfer Girl by Home Grown
(It's summer time, the song of the week is likely going to be ska for a while)
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