I'm Paranoid

     The liscence plates are speaking in code. They are trying to kill me. We are under constant threat of nuclear attack, the ice caps are melting. The world is dying, I'm dying, we're all already dead. T'morrow is an ever-fleeting maybe that becomes further and further away with every passing sunrise. I'm afraid. I know everyone is looking at me. I can see their eyes. They're all whispering about me. My brain knows its true. The lights are too bright, the sounds are too loud. I can't understand what they're saying anymore. Theres too much happening. Overstimulation is everywhere. I cannot hide. I can only return to a status quo of mild constant overstimulation. All input, not nearly enough output. I'm drowning in un-processable data. It takes up so much space in my brain. I know so much, too much. My mind is a slurry of ones and zeros coded upside-down in an alien language that nobody can remember.

Breathe in

Breath out

Exhale?

Inhale

I'm fine.

Looking for a job hasn't been going very well. I keep not liking the places I interview at, and the places I do like are scheduling interviews at the same time. I actually just resolved that problem as I was writing that. I'm a little drunk so I'm confident enough to expect people to bend to meet my needs. Hell yeah.  I have been having medical issues that have been bothering me that I'd rather not talk about not only because its gross but also because its super gross. Trust me you don't need to know. Anyways it's been really freaking me out and it's not helping my sense of impending doom. I've been trying to drum 2 hours every day in preparation for being on stage, that's been going well I've been sounding way better recently. I've noticed in specific that my "Bad Days" are getting less bad and more just sorta, average. It's a good thing. Plus my good days are really sounding way better. I'm happy about that. I think this band can really go places and I'm excited as fuck about it. I'm genuinely  really excited to play with them again.

Graduation just passed, and I had really mixed feelings about that until a few of my friends said some things that really meant a lot to me. I really felt like I failed. I didn't graduate so I must not be worth anything! Obviously I know that's not true but it's hard to remember that when I see all my friends being honored on stage. And how happy they are to graduate. and how proud everyone is of them. It makes me feel...

Inadequate

But then my friends said they still saw me as a part of the graduating class and I literally almost cried. I went to senior sunset and I saw so many people who I hadn't seen in years. Literally 4 years. I was so strange. I remembered so many things about middle school. Some people I made amends with, others I did not. I hope I do soon.

I play live on stage July 30th.'

The song of the week is Wasted Days by The Slackers

(P.S. I like beer👍)