New job!

  Yeah yeah its late again. Sorry i got a new job and things have been hectic. A lot has happened, and yet very little. My band is getting a bunch of shows booked, that's pretty neat I'm really excited to play on stage for the first time. It's a really huge goal for me to play on stage and it's finally happening. I'm also learning how to sing distortion and use my diaphragm when singing so I can do backup vocals. That goal is probably further out though. Singing while playing the drums is fucking hard. I'm trying to learn some advanced  drum stuff, gotta build on my skills and stuff. It hurts. My arms are so sore, and my legs. It's okay I have recovery days this week, I'll be doing nothing but taking care of myself. I've been trying to a lot more of that recently, I've also been working on being nicer to my mom. It's difficult though, because sometimes it's not me. Sometimes it's her. She's always so hellbent on spreading "positivity" or whatever but the second  she's in a bad mood she spits verbal poison at me as a self defense mechanism. I don't blame her, I can't. Still it hurts and I don't think she gets that.

    Work is cool! I like working there, and I'm picking things up really quickly. There's still a lot for me to learn but hey I assume it'll come with time, it's only my second week after all. There's a lot of stuff that I just haven't been taught yet just cause it hasn't come up. My coworkers are cool, they use my they pronouns so that's nice. Everyone is just really nice and very fun to work with. It's just a good vibe all around. Plus I make fuckin bank. This job doesn't feel like a crazy shitty burden for me either, not like Jamba did. I really like it and I think I'll probably work here for a while. It gives me an opportunity to get into backpacking and get better fishing gear and stuff. 

    I have really high standards for myself. For some reason when it comes to me I can only think in absolutes. I'm a horrible perfectionist and it makes me unable to do things I like for fear of failure. I'm starting to get over that but I'm still nervous that those thoughts will screw me up if I don't catch them. Sometimes they slip through the cracks and I find myself being hard on myself for being a "bad person" or whatever. It doesn't work like that. I try my best everyday to do the right thing and that is enough. Some days I'm good at it, some days I'm not. It's a part of being human. I have to remember that I am in fact human. I get grumpy when I'm hungry or tired, I feel bad when I'm dehydrated, tummy aches make me sad, and I shouldn't try and make grand sweeping claims about my life past 9PM.

This blog post is really late. But I've decided that these are for me, not you guys. Since they are for me, I'm not going to let them become a chore that I dread doing. I'm done doing that with the things I like. These come out when I post them, that way I can ensure all the effort I can muster is put into them. Unfortunately since I'm fucking BEAT this week you get a shitty one, don't even ask about last week  I worked ALL week and Monday was a no-go. that's all you need to know.

My first show is August 12th at the Lucky Liquor ($10 entry and it's 21+)

The song of the week is You Got Yr ----- Card Revoked by JER